Dear fellow Babblers,
Good evening from France! So, obviously, I haven’t been all that active on wordpress and really any of my social media except for Instagram for the past three weeks. Moving from Los Angeles to the Burgundy region of France has been an extremely huge life change and although I told myself hundreds of times that I would remain committed to my blog…well, we all know how that ended up.
So much has been going on in the past three weeks that it would be a bit too ambitious of me to sit and recount to y’all every single little detail of my move. As a result, I thought I would just go ahead and babble along for a while and let you guys in on my new French countryside life.
I arrived in France on September 18th and life has been on the up and up since. I arrived with a rather pessimistic outlook, as my only real reason for coming was in order to get away from some increasingly unbearable problems that I had been facing back home. As I’ve said in my post before leaving the states, “when I love I love hard,” so I easily get hurt. Sometimes, as I’m sure many of you could agree with, there’s just too much of life to go on. So what else is there to do than to run away? Perhaps I was a little too hasty in my move or a bit overdramatic but either way, now that I am beginning to settle in, I’m glad that I made such a steep decision.
France is everything that I wanted it to be and more. I’m a bit lonely, sure, but I’m not in pain anymore and that’s all I ever wanted. Being away from everything I’ve ever known has been a bit rough, but I’m enjoying every last mistake and fool out of myself that I’m making. Life flows here, it doesn’t stumble and trip. Joigny, the village where I am living is everything that Los Angeles is not. Life here moves on its own accord and is curing the malady which has infected my hopes and dreams bit by bit. This village has a population of just under 8000 and is a one hour train ride from Paris. Everybody knows one another and every sunrise promises a new opportunity for happiness and love. Young children, elderly grandparents; muscular men say “bonjour” and greet each other with a quick, but wholesome peck on the cheek before starting off the business of the day. The smell of sinfully warm baguettes wafts through my open window every morning and hums me back to sleep every night.
I haven’t been doing much in terms of productivity. I feel as though I’m living and controlling my own body, mind, and heart, independent of the circumstances of the world and those around me. When you really think about it, that’s a pretty strong statement. Since when can we say ever truthfully say “my body is mine,” “my mind is mine,” “my heart is mine,” ? Hmm…? Very rarely. Who we are often depends on our associations and those with whom we converse. Here, in Joigny, I am solely and only Delphine. Everything is new, sweet, and filled with promises. Every color is vivid, every gust of wind is surreal, every drop of rain is real,, and every smile is a milky layer over my recent inch-deep scars.
It’s green here too. No, not that dry, almost-dead sort of life, but a luscious and luminescent shade of the brightest form of life that you could ever imagine. There are endless fields of corn and grapevines, not to mention trees brimming with red and juicy apples. Stray cats run through the streets freely and without the worry of traffic or threatening of vicious dogs and coyotes. The canal is filled with crisp and fresh water that carries the Yonne into the Seine, bringing the Burgundy and Parisian region together. Sundays and Mondays are not for last minute shopping rushes or late night ice cream sprees. It’s for family and the ver simple, small and humble act of living. Living fully and without anger, sadness or pain. Sleeping in isn’t being lazy it’s taking care of one’s body. Eating that extra helping is not being greedy, but enjoying every once that nature has to offer. Flirting is not a sinfully promiscuous thing but a romantically endearing way to pass the time and spread happiness from ourselves onto others.
Aimless walks are not time wasting but rejuvenating and bearers of tranquility. This is life; not being alive, but living and living in every form and state of being that this world has to offer. Mobiles and headphones are not clenched ruthlessly in one anthers hands. Instead, couples wander up and down the streets, never turning a cold shoulder to their partner to sneak a peak at an incoming text or snapchat comment. Restaurants and cafes aren’t scoured for outlets to charge phones but instead are pleasantly occupied with families and new acquaintances, present for the beauty of being present amongst a crowd of laughter and bodies. The internet and the world’s problems is not the first thing on one’s mind here, but the guarantee that “this” day has the possibility of being new, challenging, and yet another step into the rainbow of wonderland. Priorities are not priorities. They are just “there” and if they get done today or tomorrow is of no importance. But what is is one’s perception of their “priorities” and how it makes them feel as a person. Stress is nonexistent and bliss is infinite. Very little attention is paid to anger, fear and anxiety. Those types of non entities are flawed and therefore refuted here. People here are okay. They are not one to push around others or be pushed around by others. Life is too significant for hurt, and now I finally feel the same way.
My happiness here is substantial and now that I am here all I can really be upset at myself is at all the moments, days, years I’ve ranted at the bitter things of the world and inflicted physical and emotional harm to myself and those around me. Pathetic, huh?
People live. People love. People hurt. People forgive. I’ve lived more in the last three weeks here in this petite unknown ville than I have in all of my 22 years in the bustling and untrustworthy rich life of the world’s capital of entertainment, Los Angeles. I let go of so much by packing up my life and moving halfway across the world, but in doing so I found my place in life. I may be more alone, on the exterior, now than I ever have been. But what about my heart? It’s bursting with love, rekindled dreams, hope, and everlasting promises which just may lead me to my ultimate dream: happiness. That is really all I want, and have ever wanted. It may not have been possible in my past life, but here I am positive that it is, for I already feel the smiles, tears, and goosebumps running up and down my back as I come to the realization that finally, finally I did the right thing and put myself before “him,” whoever “him” is.
In the following post of this little “Life Update” series I’ll be recounting some of my experiences and reflections here in France, with this first post acting as introduction and my own personal perceptions of life and culture in Joigny compared to that in Los Angeles.